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halle berry bares all
 
 
Halle Berry got a $500,000 bonus for her much-ballyhooed, first-ever topless scene in Dominic Sena's Swordfish. And Jay Leno got an unscheduled sneak peek when Berry guested on "The Tonight Show" shortly before the film's release...

Thanks to her plunging neckline, Berry revealed rather more to her host than she had planned. "My problem is, I've never sat down in this dress," said a blushing Berry as she attempted to cover herself.

Leno's impromptu reply? "My problem is... I can't stand up!"

two blondes on thier way to disneyland
 
 
Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road and the sign said Disneyland left...
So they turned around and went home.
what a stupid mama!
 
 
Yo mama's so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
in his image
 
 
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?" God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color. Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.

She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years?! Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"

God replied, "I didn't recognize you."


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