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what do you call...
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?

rainy day cop
It's a nasty day, and a guy gets pulled over for speeding. The cop says, “Isn't it kind of stupid to be driving so fast in this storm?” The driver says, “Who's stupid? You're the one who's standing out in the rain.”
jesus and his disciples
One day Jesus wanted to test his disciples. So he called all of them together and asked them to pick up two stones. All the desciples picked up small stones except for Judas, who picked up two big stones. Jesus then asked his desciples to throw the stones as far as possible. All the small stones went very far but Judas' stones fell very close. Jesus then said to his disciples, “That is your land.” So everybody got huge acres of land but Judas landed up with just a small portion. This made him very cross with Jesus.
Jesus then told his desciples to pick up two stones again. All the desciples picked up two big stones except for Judas, who picked small ones this time. Jesus then said, “That is your bread,” and the all the disciples got huge loafs of bread except for Judas. This made Judas even more angry.
Jesus then decided to test his desciples for a third time so he told them to pick up two stones. This time everybody picked up two medium-sized stones. Judus wanted to get even with Jesus, so he picked up one big stone and one small stone. Jesus then said, “Those are your balls.”
what is grosser than gross?
A pancake that has fallen on the kitchen floor and you are very hungry for a pancake, but when you pick the pancake up you find the gooey syrup and the creamy butter are like flypaper and so your spongey, yummy pancake is covered in lint, dustmites, a splotch of still-moist mustard from the night before, a broken match, a dirty fingernail, and of course millions of squirming, pulsing bacteria. Also: the pancake now smells like bellybutton, so you puke. But your stomach is empty so you dry heave, and now the pancake is covered in your early morning bile. Anyway, you're so hungry so you eat the pancake.

Man, that is totally gross.

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