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skipped church lately?
 
 
One day this Preacher decided that he would skip church and go hunting.
When in the woods he came upon a bear. He started running, and he ran for a while until all of a sudden he tripped over a tree root. At this moment he was almost face to face with the bear. He dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, if there is one wish I would want for you to give me it would be to make this bear a Christian.'

And at that instant…the bear halted to a stop and dropped to his knees and said, 'Dear Lord, thank you for the food I am about to receive!'

drunk superhero
 
 
Two guys were sitting at a bar on the 40th floor of a skyscraper and were totally plastered.
The first guy said, 'Hey, I'll bet you a million bucks that I can jump out of this window, fly around the building, and land right here next to you!'
Being so totally wasted, plus hearing a completely impossible bet, the 2nd guy replied, 'YOU'RE ON!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and came right back to the same spot. 'WOW,' screamed the 2nd guy, 'That was incredible. Do it again!'
So the first guy jumped out of the window, flew around the building, and landed right next to his friend. 'That is remarkable. Do it one more time!"

'Ok,' said the first guy, 'But if I do it again, when I come back you have to do it."
The second man agreed, and with that, once again, the first jumped out, flew around, and came back. 'Your turn,' he said.

So the 2nd guy stepped up to the window. 'This is easy. He did it, so can I!"
The much pumped second man, took a deep breath, and heaved his body out the window. He fell straight to the ground and died instantly upon impact. Calmly the first man walked back to the bar and ordered another beer.
The bartender remarked, 'You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman!'
why did the gum
 
 
Q: Why did the gum cross the road?

A: Beacause it was stuck to the chicken's foot.
little johnny's time of the month
 
 
Little Johnny walks into a pharmacy and brings a box of tampons to the register.

The cashier looks at the boy and says, "Hi. Are these for your mom?"

Little Johnny thinks for a moment and says, "Umm, no."

The cashier says, "Oh. Then they're for your sister?"

Little Johnny says, "uh-unh."

The cashier, now a bit curious, says, "Oh. Then they must be for your granny!"

Little Johnny says, "Nope."

The cashier is now really confused. Finally she asks, "Well, what are you going to do with them?"

Little Johnny says, "Well, I'm not sure yet. But on TV, they said if I buy these I can go fishing and swimming and horseback riding!"


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