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you know you drink too much coffee when...
 
 
  1. Juan Valdez names his mule after you.
  2. You chew on your roommate's fingernails.
  3. You can jump-start your car without cables.
  4. You do twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
  5. You can't remember your second cup.
  6. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  7. Starbucks has a mortgage on your house.
  8. Your birthday is a national holiday in Columbia.
  9. You don't sweat - you percolate.
  10. You grind coffee beans in your mouth.
difference!
 
 
What's the difference between a condom and a coffin?

You come in one and you go in the other!

things found only in america
 
 
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America......do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.

5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors to the vault open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America......do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in Latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "bloodsucking creatures."

10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
rooster and owl
 
 
What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night!

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