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rocket science
 
 
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.

The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshield of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

Horrified Britons sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the U.S. scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just three words, "Thaw the chicken."

god bless us
 
 
There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, 'God bless me!'

Bill Gates jumps out and yells, 'God bless me and my bank account!'

Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, 'God bless me and my team!'

Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, 'God bless me and the New York Rangers!'

The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, 'God bless me and the people I land on!'

yo' ass so tight
 
 
Yo' ass so tight, you fart and only dogs can hear it.
top 10 reasons to be stupid
 
 
10. Nobody cares if you act stupid.

9. You can hold a firm belief in something like the existence of 'space-cats' and nobody holds it against you.

8. The ability to inhale eggs through your nose is very popular at parties.

7. You can (apparently) easily become the President of the United States.

6. Lucky Charms. For you they really are magically delicious.

5. You already know the answer to the question: 'What are you, stupid?'

4. You are now categorized. i.e.: Trekkies, Goths, Hackers, stupid people, etc.

3. You can talk to animals. At least you think you can.

2. It's like being in grade 8 for your whole life.

1. Breaking stuff. It never gets old.

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