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bed football
 
 
An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, "7 points!"

His wife looked at him and said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He simply replied, "Just playing bed football."

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, "Tie game - 7,7."

The husband's competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining... when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, "Now what's the score?"

He said, "Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!"

sons devoted to mom
 
 
Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.

"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."

"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."

"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."

A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald -- the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton -- the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert -- you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."

death by mexican
 
 
An infamous killer is on death row.

He is allowed one last meal an hour before he dies.

So the guy asks if he can have his favorite food. He wants Mexican.

The guards give him what he wants.

An hour goes by and it is time for his death.

One guard asks if he had any last words.

The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."

it's not genetics
 
 
Why can't Chinese couples have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white!


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