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hot lunch
 
 
There were two bums walkin down a road. They both had not eaten in days, and were starving.
As they were walking, they come across a dead dog. One ran to it and scarffed it down, while the other just watched.
After the bum ate the dog, they kept walking. The now full bum asked the other, "How come you didn't fight me for the dog?

He answered, "No reason." So they keep walking.

All of a sudden the bum who ate the dog threw up. The other bum smiled in delight and said, "See, that's what I've been waiting for! A HOT meal!

parachute crap shoot
 
 
Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes.

The president gets one and says, “My country needs me!” and jumps.

The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, “Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart,” and jumps.

One parachute left and the old man says, “You take it, my life is almost over anyway.”

The little girl says, “No. We both can jump.”

Confused, the man asks, “How?” The little girl says, “The smartest man in the world took my backpack.”

time on your hands?
 
 
Call a bowling alley, and ask, “Do you have 10 lb. balls?”
When the attendent says yes, ask, “Then how the hell do you walk?”
baldy pants
 
 
Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?

So he could run his fingers through his hair!


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