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"Daddy, the cat died today!"
"Well, darling," said the dad. "That's just something that happens."
"But why are his arms and legs up in the air?"
"Well, darling, that's just something they do." She takes the death fairly well and doesn't mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him.
"Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!"
"What are you talking about?"
"I came downstairs and I heard her screaming 'Oh Jesus, take me, take me!' And she had her ams and legs up in the air and if it hadn't been for the mailman tring to revive her she would have died."
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9) Say “Hold on,” then scream to a nonexistent person: “If you try to take the knife out, it'll just hurt worse!”
8) Burst into tears when money is mentioned.
7) Ask if the deal is good for all your personalities.
6) Tell them you'll accept their offer if they can guess your color of underwear.
5) Repeat everything they say in the form of a question.
4) As soon as they identify themselves, say, “You guys are still in business? Well, I guess the bomb has another 30 seconds.”
3) Tell them the restraining order applies to phone calls as well as physical distance.
2) Mutter: “Aww, damn. Not another one. The last Jehovah's Witness almost got me the death penalty.”
1) HANG UP THE DARN PHONE!
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Later, he sees a kid skating and can't resist hitting the kid. Finally, he decides he needs help from above so he goes to a church and asks the pastor for help.
So after church, the pastor invites him to his house for lunch. They get in the car and start to drive down the street, and just as he starts to tell the pastor about his problem, he sees an old blind man walking down the street. He swerves toward him but misses, and the pastor says, 'Don't worry. I got him with the door!'
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Because they couldnt find three wise men or a virgin!
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