Whatever jokes

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

4. You measure distance in minutes.

5. You know several people who have hit a deer.

6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

17. You carry jumper cables in your car.

18. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.

23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.

27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

Her panties fit her like a glove!

One guy says, “Hey, I know how we can break out of here!”

The second guy says, “Oh yeah, how?”

The first guy says, “I've been thinking about really hard ever since I saw that big search light that goes around every night from the airport. Here is what we do. First, we steal a flashlight.”

The second guy says, “Hey, we don't have to do that, I've got one here that my kids sent me!”

The first guy says, “Great, then meet me out in the courtyard, near the wall tonight, after everyone goes to bed.”

So they meet out by the wall after dark. The guy with the light asks the first guy. “Just how will this plan work?”

The first guy says, “It's like this, you shine the light up on to the top of the wall. I'll climb up the beam of light to the top. You throw up the light and I'll shine the beam down for you to climb up. Okay?”

The second guy ponders the plan a second and then says, “Hey, just a minute. I know what you would do. I'd get you up on top of the wall and throw you up the light. Then, as I was half way up you'd turn off the light! Do you think I'm crazy or something?”