Whatever jokes

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Whatever


crazy book guy
 
 
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs trapped in a book?

Mark.

where's da money?
 
 
This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired. He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000. from non-payers, however he was greedy and hid the money for himself.

It didn't take long for the mafia bosses to catch on, so they sent a couple of thugs and an interpreter to find the collector. They found him, took him to an abandoned warehouse and the two thugs told the interpreter to ask the collector, “where's da money?”

The interpreter signed to the collector and the collecter signed back, “I don't know what you're talking about.”

The interpreter told them what he had said and one of the thugs pulled out a 38 revolver and stuck it in the collector's ear. He told the interpreter to ask the collector about the money again. The interpreter asked.

The collector signed back, “It's in a tree stump in Central Park 50 yards east of the main fountain!”

The interpreter tells the thugs, “He said he still doesn't know what your talking about and you don't have the guts to pull that trigger!”

country music backwards
 
 
What do you get when you play country music backwards?

You get back your wife, your dog, your truck...

thoughts on religion
 
 
Q: Will I be reincarnated?
A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching backup files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you, God will just say that the tape has been lost.

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?
A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?
A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then the users and managers demanded he tack senseless features onto it and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?
A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get off his back and let him program.

Q: What is the one true religion?
A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick the one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down. Q

: How can I protect myself from evil?
A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common word, or a date like your birthday.

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?
A: They are much more likely to receive e-mail from god.

Q: Some people say God is Love. A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a question.

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