Whatever jokes

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all). When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

"You remind me of a famous movie star."
"Really? Which one?"
"Lassie."

Whats the difference between deernuts and beernuts?

Beernuts are a $1.39 and deernuts are under a buck.

A ship of Marines is sailing along one day when they come upon an island where a sailor is lounging under a tree. The sailor sees the ship and starts taunting the Marines, saying he could kick any one of their asses.

The captain is angry at this, and sends one of his best men over to teach the sailor a lesson.

In front of all of his shipmates, the sailor swiftly beats the crap out of the Marine, knocking him out cold. He then looks back at the rest of the men and yells that he can kick all of their asses.

The captain, now steamed, sends over 20 of his men to take care of the sailor.

The sailor sees them all coming and quickly jumps to the other side of a hill. The Marines follow.

A loud ruckus ensues and one Marine, badly beaten, comes back over the hill and gasps, "Sir, it's a trap! There are TWO of them!"