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undercover cops
 
 
What's another name for undercover cops?

Pigs-in-a-blanket.

narcoleptic priest
 
 
Q: Did you hear about the narcoleptic priest?

A: Yeah, he fell asleep during his own sermon!
three men had been stuck on an island...
 
 
Three men had been stuck on an island for ten years.

Just as they were about to give up hope, one of the men finds a magic lamp.

The first man wished to be 10% smarter, and then he was able to make a fire and send morse code smoke signals for help.

The second one wished to be 25% smarter, and suddenly he knew how to build a sturdy raft capable of getting them all off the island.

Then the third man wished to be 50% smarter, and he turned into a woman and walked across the bridge.

charming
 
 
Two delicate blossoms of Southern femininity, one from Mississippi and the other from Texas, were conversing on the porch swing of a large white-pillared mansion. The Mississippian said, "When my first child was born, my husband built this beautiful mansion for me."

The Texan lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The lady from Mississippi continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me that fine Cadillac automobile you see parked in the drive."

Again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman boasted, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

Yet again, the Texas lady commented, "Well, isn't that nice?"

The first woman then asked her companion, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

The Texas lady replied, "My husband sent me to charm school."

"Charm school!" the first woman cried. "Land sakes, child, what on Earth for?"

The Texas lady responded, "So that instead of saying, 'Who gives a crap,' I learned to say, 'Well, isn't that nice?'"


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