Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 294

Whatever


ham and sex
 
 
The priest and the rabbi were on a plane flying across the ocean when the plane developed engine trouble. Everyone was doomed. The priest turned to the rabbi and said, "Before I die there's something that I would like to know. You being Jewish and all -- have you ever tasted ham?"

"Well," the rabbi laughed, "sure I've tasted ham. But tell me father, before we die -- could you tell me if you have ever made love to a woman?"

The priest blushed and said, "There was this one time I gave in and made love to a woman."

The rabbi looked at the priest and said, "Beats the hell out of ham, don't it?"

bush has a short one
 
 
Bush has a short one. Gorbachev has a long one. Madonna does not have one. And a priest does not use his. What is it?

A last name.

help me, i'm on a date
 
 
What do you call a good looking guy with a brunette?

A hostage.

top ten woman bashing lines
 
 
  1. Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?
    'Cause it doesn't need cleaning yet.
  2. Why does the bride always wear white?
    Because it's good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.
  3. Why do women fake orgasms?
    Because they think men care.
  4. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong?
    Made her chain too long.
  5. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
    Phone her.
  6. How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in.
  7. How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
    They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
  8. What are the three fastest means of communication?
    1) Internet 2) Telephone 3) Tell a woman
  9. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
    After 10 years the job still sucks.
  10. What should you give a woman who has everything?
    A man to show her how to work it.

Page 295 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»