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bad male drivers
Bob and Bill are driving down the road going about 85 mph. Up comes a red light and Bob goes right through it.

Bill turnes to Bob and says, 'What the hell are you doing?'

Bob says, 'Don't worry—my brother does it all the time.' So on they go, and — bam! — 85 mph through another red light!

Again Bob says, 'Don't worry, my brother does it all the time!' Then they're driving along and coming up on another red light, and as soon as it turns green, Bob jams on the breaks and skids to a stop!

Bill looks over and says, 'What the hell is wrong with you, you jerk? The damn light is green. Why did you stop?'

Bob says, 'My brother may have been coming the other way!'

smoking at gas station
This lady was at the gas station pumping gas and smoking a cigarette when her arm caught fire.

When the police arrived they shot her for waving a firearm.
car dealership funny
I went to a car dealership to look at cars, and saw a sign that read, 'If you want to get back on your feet... miss a car payment.'
a cucumber, a pickle, and a penis
One day a cucumber, pickle and a penis were all discussing how much their lives suck.
The cucumber says, "I get picked from my home, sliced up, and thrown a salad. My life sucks the most."

The pickle then says, "I get picked from my home, shoved in a jar, submerged in liquid thats smells awful. So my life sucks the most."

The penis then says, "Oh please! My life definitely sucks the most. I get a tarp wrapped over my head, stuck in a wet black hole, and rammed against a wall until I vomit."

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