Whatever jokes

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disarming the guard
 
 
Lem: 'I got fired from my job as a bank guard.'

Clem: 'That's awful. What happened?'

Lem: 'Well a thief came in to rob a bank. I drew my gun. I told him that if he took one more step, I'd let him have it.'

Clem: 'What did thief do then?'

Lem: 'He took one more step so I let him have it. I didn't want that stupid gun anyhow!'

the rip-off
 
 
What has six balls and rips you off daily?

The lottery.
three preachers
 
 
There were three preachers: a Catholic, a Baptist, and a rabbi. They are all fishing out in the lake when all of a sudden the Baptist has to go to the bathroom. So he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back. Then all of a sudden the rabbi has to go, so he gets up and walks across the water, does his business, and comes back.

Then the Catholic has to go, but when he gets out he falls into the water, so he swims back, gets back into the boat, looks up, and says, 'God, let me walk across the water.' Then he tries again and falls into the water, so he swims back, tries again and he falls again.

The Baptist leans over to the rabbi and says, 'Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?'

krazy library fun
 
 
1. See how many teenage boys you can gather by exclaiming,'Wow, they carry Playboy?!'
2. Make copies of every page in the Dictionary and if anyone asks for a reason, tell them you are a vacuum salesman
3. Make sheep noises by the reference desk
4. Let the librarian know that you are 'only in it for the money,' then smile at them
5. Arrange the magazines by their sex content
6. Give the librarian a list of Hungarian Books to find
7. Ask someone if they've ever read 'My Life as a Butt-Hair Stylist'
8. Scream
9. Set up a dome tent in the kids section and announce that the General has arrived
10. Constantly stare at someone using the internet and when they look at you, ask them if they would like Book Insurance

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