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"Bad dog! BAD DOG!" said the panicked man.
He couldn't bring himself to tell his nieghbor what happened, so he decided to clean it up and leave it on the neighbor's porch. He took the cat into the bathroom and washed off all the blood and dirt. It took him forever, he had to wash it four times to get it all cleaned. He brushed it's beautiful white fur, blow dried it, and put it's collar back on. Since it was so dark, he snuck into the neighbor's yard, and laid the cat down on the porch, in front of the door.
The next day, he was on his way to the car to go to work and his nieghbor was outside.
"Hi," he said.
"Hi," replied Jim, nervously.
His neighbor said, "Something weird happened last night."
"Oh yeah? What's that," asked Jim, sweating now.
"Well, my cat died yesterday, and we buried him, and this morning he was lying on my front porch!"
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“It's all your fault!”
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A man and a woman are both dead from a car crash. The accident seems to have no explanation, but he looks up on the hill and sees a monkey waving his arms at him as if to say something. The cop says, "Hey, monkey, you know what happened?"
The monkey mimes drinking a bottle of some kind. "They were drinking? What else?"
The monkey mimes smoking a joint. "They were smoking dope? There must have been more. This is a very strange accident. Monkey! What else?"
The monkey mimes sexual relations. "They were screwing? This still doesn't make any sense. Hey monkey! What were you doing to know all this?"
Monkey mimes driving and looking behind him...
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