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$500 porsche
 
 
A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $500 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $500, and he thought it might be a joke, but thought it was worth a shot. So he went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche.

"Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house.

"Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $500?"

"My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."

going to the bathroom in a monk's home
 
 
There was this man who really had to go to the bathroom. He went to the nearest house, which happened to be the home of a monk and asked, 'Can I please use the bathroom?' The monk told him he could, so he went in. When he was in the bathroom he heard this clink, clink, clink. When he was finished he went to the monk and asked, 'What was that noise I heard in the bathroom?' The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a monk. You have to go to Italy for two years.'

So the man went to Italy for two years and then came back and asked the monk again what the noise was. The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a high monk. You have to go to Italy for three years.' So the man went, came back and then asked the monk again what the noise was. Again the monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a king monk. You have to go to Italy for four years.' So the man went, came back and once more asked the monk.

And the monk said, "The pipes bang sometimes. Aren't I a passive aggressive sadist for not just telling you that in the first place? And aren't you a sorry-assed sucker for jumping through my retarded hoops?"

answering machine
 
 
What did the guy's carphone answering machine say?

'Hi, I'm home right now so I can't take your call.'
pool for djs
 
 
Why can't DJ's play pool?

Because they always scratch!


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