Whatever jokes

From: General Manager
To: Departmental Heads
'On Friday evening at 5 p.m., Halley's Comet will be visible in this area—an event which occurs only once every 76 years. Please have the employees assemble in the park area outside the building and I will explain this rare phenomenon to them. In case of rain, we will not be able to see anything, so assemble the employees in the canteen and I will show them a film of it.'
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From: Departmental Heads
To: Deputy Departmental Heads
'By order of the General Manager on Friday at 5p.m., Halley's Comet will appear above the area outside the building. If it rains, please assemble the employees and proceed to the canteen, where this rare phenomenon will take place, something which occurs only every 76 years'
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From: Deputy Departmental Heads
To: Superintendent
'By the order of the General Manager, at 5 p.m. on Friday, the phenomenal Halley's comet will appear in the canteen. In case of rain in the area outside the building, the General Manager will give another order, something which occurs only once every 76 years.'
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From: Superintendent
To: Foreman
'On Friday at 5 p.m., the General Manager will appear in the canteen with Halley's Comet, something which happens every 76 years. But if it rains, the General Manager will order the comet into the area outside the building.'
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From: Foreman
To: Team Leader
'When it rains on Friday at 5 p.m., the phenomenal 76 year old Bill Halley, accompanied by his comets, will drive the General Manger through the area outside the building into the canteen.'

Call a bowling alley, and ask, “Do you have 10 lb. balls?”
When the attendent says yes, ask, “Then how the hell do you walk?”

Father Murphy was a very poor priest in a very poor parish and he needed money. He bought a horse to enter in a local race, but the horse turned out to be a donkey. Still, Father Murphy took it as God's will and entered the donkey in the race anyway. The donkey came in third and the newspaper said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS SHOWS!"

Encouraged, Father Murphy entered the donkey in another race. The donkey came in first and the papers said, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS UP FRONT!" He entered the animal in yet another race. This time it came in second and the papers read, "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS BACK IN PLACE!".

The archbishop heard of the priest's activities and decided the church didn't approve of gambling. He ordered Father Murphy to pull the donkey out of all future races. The papers announced, "ARCHBISHOP SCRATCHES FATHER MURPHY'S ASS!"

The Father gaves the donkey to one of the nuns, Sister Agatha and the papers said, "NUN OWNS BEST ASS IN TOWN!"But eventually Sister Agatha got tired of tending the donkey, and sold it to a children's home for only ten dollars. And the newspapers blared, "NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR $10!"

Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials, "The Cleo Awards". It's a whole show full of commercials.

I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.