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the doctor
 
 
This guy is suffering from extereme abdominal pain so he goes to the doctor.
The doctor says that the problem is serious, but with medicated rectal inserts the problem should go away. After the inital insertion, the Doctor explains that the second should be inserted before bed.

That night, before he goes to bed, the man attempts to insert the medicine.
After about 15 unsuccessful tries he calls his wife for help. His wife puts one hand on his shoulder and inserts the medicine. He lets out a scream. 'Did I hurt you?' his wife asks.

"No, but when I was at the doctor's, he had TWO hands on my shoulders!'

lemon squeeze
 
 
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they had a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over timebut nobody could do it. One day, a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit.
"I'd like to try the bet," he said in a tiny, squeaky voice. After the laughter had died down, the bartender grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000 and asked the little man what he did for a living. Was he a lumberjack, or a weightlifter, or what?
"I work for the IRS."
long, hard and...
 
 
Q: What is long, hard, and filled with semen?

A: A submarine.
gold coins
 
 
This is actually a true story that happened to one of our readers here at Jokes.com, but it's as funny as any joke we've heard: One day on the way home from work, I stopped at the local Pharmacy and while I was checking out, I picked up some candy to take home for me and my 7-year old son. It was a bag of Gold Coins (Gold Foil-covered chocolate candy coins). There were many sizes, from dime to dollar. I took the bag home, and me and my son opened the bag and ate all of the coins, my son taking the bigger dollar-sized ones and me taking the smaller ones. The next day, my wife, my son and I stopped at the Pharmacy again to pick up a few things. While my wife and I were shopping, we noticed that my son had picked up a Gold Coin Condom. Before we could catch him, he took it up to the counter and asked the Pharmacist, 'What's this?' The woman, looking very serious, said, 'That's a condom, son.' To which my son replied, 'My daddy BOUGHT me some of these yesterday!' With a disgusted look on her face, the Pharmacist replied, 'Those are NOT for children, young man.' And finally, my son replied, 'Then I'll buy this one for my Daddy. He likes the LITTLE ones!'

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