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the funeral dance

There was a great loss today in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey" died. What was really horrible is that they had trouble keeping the body in the casket.

They put his left leg in....

Well, you know the rest.

chastity belt for the crusader's wife
A man decided to march in the holy crusades. Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."

So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. "What's wrong?' " he asks.

"You gave me the wrong key!"

you're probably aged 23 to 28

You learned to swim about the same time Jaws came out and still carry the emotional scars to this day.

You could sing "99 Red Balloons" in English and in German.

You're starting to believe that maybe having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea after all.

You did the LeFreak with Chic.

"All-skate, change directions" means something to you.

In high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by Prince over and over again.

You wore anything Izod, especially collar "up," or the windbreakers that folded up into a pouch you could wear around your waist.

You owned a Jordache anything, or you remember when Jordache jeans were cool.

You even dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran, Madonna, Rick Springfield, or Cyndi Lauper video.

You actually know who Rick Springfield is.

You rode in the back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you in the "tail gunner" position.

Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned the English language.

You ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon.

You had a poster of Bo, Luke & Daisy Duke.

There was nothing to question about Bert n' Ernie living together.

Knickers and leg warmers were cool.

You ever wanted to learn to play "Stairway to Heaven" on the guitar and choreographed "Dancing Queen" by yourself in your room.

You were afraid of the Sleestaks on Land of the Lost.

The first time you ever kissed someone was at a dance during "Crazy for You" by Madonna.

You ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation.

You had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding.

You know who shot J.R.

This rings a bell: "...and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."

You ever had a Dorothy Hammill haircut.

You sat with your friends on a Friday night and dialed "867-5309" to see if Jenny would answer.

You owned a pair of Rainbow suspenders just like Mork used to wear.

You remember when your cable TV box had the three rows of numbers and you had to move the selector switch accordingly.

Two Words: Feathered hair

Your jaw would ache by the time you finished those "brick-sized" packages of Bazooka gum.

The phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter.

microsoft darkness
How many Microsoft technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they would just declare darkness the new standard TM

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