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getting weighed
 
 
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

get on the bus
 
 
A man comes home from work and finds his wife screwing his cousin in the closet.
'What the hell are you doing?!' the man asks.
'I'm riding a bus,' his cousin replies.
'That's a stupid thing to say!'
'That's a stupid thing to ask!'
that is the only difference
 
 
What's the difference between light and hard?

You can go to sleep with the light on.
actual instruction labels...
 
 
  • ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
    Warning keep out of children.
  • ON A HAIR DRYER:
    Do not use while sleeping.
  • ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
    You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
  • ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
    Directions: Use like regular soap.
  • ON A FROZEN DINNER:
    Serving suggestion: Defrost.
  • ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP:
    Fits one head.
  • ON TESCO'S TIRAMISU DESERT:
    Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
  • ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:
    Product will be hot after heating.
  • ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:
    Do not iron clothes on body.
  • ON BOOTS CHILDRENS' COUGH MEDICINE:
    Do not drive car or operate machinery.
  • ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):
    Warning: may cause drowsiness.
  • ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:
    For indoor or outdoor use only.
  • ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:
    Not to be used for the other use.
  • ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:
    Warning: contains nuts.
  • ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:
    Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
  • ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:
    Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

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