Whatever jokes

This truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar, he sees a big sign on the door saying 'Nerds Not Allowed -- Enter At Your Own Risk!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him.
'You smell kind of nerdy. What do you do for a living?'
'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling.'
'Okay, truck drivers are not nerds,' he says and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver is totally shocked.
'Why did you do that?'
'Not to worry, the nerds are overpopulating Silicon Valley and are in season now. You don't even need a license.' The truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, and heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly, he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers.They are all engineers, accountants, and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So, remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop.
'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season," says the truck driver.
'Well, sure,' says the patrolman. 'But you can't bait 'em.'

3 men die and go to heaven. One's a marine, one's a Navy seal, and the last is an army ranger. At the pearly gates, Saint Peter is unsure if he was going to let them in due to their philandering and boorish ways.

He decides to let them in, but gives a strict warning not to have impure thoughts or they will lose their wings and burn in hell. All 3 men walk in, and as a test Saint Peter sends a beautiful blonde angel walking in front of all 3 men.

As the blonde angel bends over and grabs her ankles, the navy seal and the marine lose their wings. As they bent over to pick up their wings, the ranger lost his.

One day a man is walking along the beach and sees a quadriplegic girl on the boardwalk, sitting in her wheelchair and crying. He decides to be a good samaritan and asks her what's wrong. She replies sadly, "I've never been hugged."

So he hugs the girl, which seems to cheer her up and he continues on his way.

The next day he sees the girl again, still sitting on the boardwalk and crying, so he asks her what's wrong and she replies, "I've never been kissed."

So, he kisses the girl dutifully and goes on his way.

The following day, he passes her again, and once again, she's crying and he asks her what's wrong. She replies, "I've never been screwed."

So, the man wheels her down the boardwalk, pushes her off the pier and says, "Now, you're screweed!"

A conscience does not prevent sin; it only prevents you from enjoying it.