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sex on the beach
 
 
A guy is walking along the beach, when he meets a girl with no legs, crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been hugged," she says. The guy hugs her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been kissed," she says. The guy kisses her, but she continues crying.

"Why are you crying?" he asks.

"I've never been screwed," she says. The guy picks her up and throws her into the water.

"There," he says. "Now you're screwed."

land of milk and honey
 
 
A blonde heard that milk baths would make you beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. The milkman thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point.

'I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?'

'I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.'

'Pasteurized?'

'No, just up to my tits.'

creative writing
 
 
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.

The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

gross siamese tongue
 
 
What's grosser than gross?
Two Siamese twins connected at the tongue.

What's even grosser than that?
When one of them throws up.


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