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dr. seuss as technical writer
 
 
Dr. Seuss as Technical Writer

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM
Quicky turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom!

you know you're addicted to coffee when...
 
 
  1. you grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
  2. you sleep with your eyes open.
  3. you have to watch videos in fast-foward.
  4. the only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
  5. you can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without the timer.
  6. you've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
  7. your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
  8. you chew on other people's fingernails.
  9. the nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
  10. you can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
  11. you can jump-start your car without cables.
  12. you don't sweat, you percolate.
  13. you walk twenty miles on your tread mill before you realize it's not plugged in.
  14. you forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
  15. you've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
  16. instant coffee takes too long.
  17. you channel surf faster without a remote.
  18. you have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
  19. you short out motion detectors.
  20. you don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
  21. you help your dog chase its tail.
  22. you soak your dentures in coffee.
  23. your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee and an IV hook-up.
  24. you get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
  25. you answer the door before people knock.
army police brutality
 
 
Paddy 'n' Mick join the army, and are put on street patrol in a city with a military curfew. They are given instructions to shoot anybody who's on the streets after 6 o'clock. So one day, they're out at twenty to 6, when Paddy spots a man walking on the other side of the street. He lines up the man in his sights and shoots the man dead. Mick is shocked.
"What are you doin', Paddy? It ain't 6 yet!"
"I know what I'm doin'. I know where he lives and he wouldn't have made it!"
top ten: questions that make you go, "huh?"
 
 
  1. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
  2. What happens if you get scared to death twice?
  3. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?
  4. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  5. If you write a book about failure, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?
  6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  7. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  8. If Superman is so smart, why does he wear underpants over his trousers?
  9. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
  10. Why is it that if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but if someone tells you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

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