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monks made a mistake
 
 
One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.

"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."

"Can I see one?"

"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom--" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.

"What? What does it say?"

"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

best goldfish joke ever!
 
 
Two goldfish were in their tank.
One turns to the other and says,
"You man the guns, I'll drive."
infectious fast food
 
 
What do you call an annorexic with a yeast infection?

A quarter pounder with cheese!


 
 
Three women die and get to heaven, and St. Peter greets them at the door and says, "Once you get into heaven, you mustn't step on any ducks." The women find this request very strange, but they agree, and enter heaven.

Once they get in, it's wall to wall ducks. A day goes by and the first women steps on the duck. St. Peter comes back with this old, smelly, fat, ugly man and chains them togther saying, "For stepping on a duck, you have to spend forever chained to this man."

Another day goes by and the second women steps on a duck, and St Peter comes back with another old, smelly, fat, ugly, man and chains them togther and says, "For stepping on a duck you have to spend forever chained to this man"

The third women sees this happening and doesn't want this to happen to her. So a month goes by and she hasn't stepped on a single duck. St. Peter comes back and chains her together witjh this really handsome man and walks away. The third women says, "How come I have the pleasure of being chained to you?"

The handsome man replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."


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