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act of god
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister.

Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!"

An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"

caution: condom crossing
Why'd the condom cross the road?

He got pissed off!

god's speed of service
A man asked God how much a million dollars was to him. God replied, 'Oh, about one penny.' Then the man asked how much an eternity was to him. God replied, 'Oh, about a second.' Then the man asked. 'Can I have a million dollars and live an eternal life?' God replied, 'Sure, just wait a sec.'
ethnic joke
How does every ethnic joke start?

By looking over your shoulder...

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