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consulting fun
 
 
Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket. When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: 'Why the spoon?' 'Well,' he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73.84% more often than any other utensil. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1.5 man-hours per shift.' As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: 'I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.' I was rather impressed. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly. My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?' 'Oh, certainly!' he answered, lowering his voice. 'Not everyone is as observant as you. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom.' 'How so?' 'See,' he continued, 'by tying this string to the tip of ...you know... we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent' 'Okay, that makes sense, but... if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in?' 'Well,' he whispered, lowering his voice even further, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'
getting weighed
 
 
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked Joe.

I want to get weighed," she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize.

Next, the couple went on the Ferris Wheel. When the ride was over, Joe again asked Kim what she would like to do.

"I want to get weighed," she said.

Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and Joe lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded.

By this time, Joe figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake.

Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?"

Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

get on the bus
 
 
A man comes home from work and finds his wife screwing his cousin in the closet.
'What the hell are you doing?!' the man asks.
'I'm riding a bus,' his cousin replies.
'That's a stupid thing to say!'
'That's a stupid thing to ask!'
that is the only difference
 
 
What's the difference between light and hard?

You can go to sleep with the light on.

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