- Everyone who ticks him or her off gets a $26,000 phone bill.
- Has won the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes three years running.
- When asked for their phone number, they give it in hex.
- Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
- Somehow gets HBO on their PC at work.
- Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeeez!" 295 times during the movie "The Net."
- Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments.
- Their video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons.
- Instead of the "Welcome" voice on AOL, you overhear, "Good Morning, Mr./Ms. President."
- You hear them murmur, "Let's see you use that VISA card now, Professor "I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!"
The gatekeeper at the gate to heaven says, 'There are too many people in heaven so you have to pass this quiz to get in.'
Forrest Gump says, 'Okay.'
The gatekeeper says, 'First question: What two days of the week begin with T?'
Gump replies, 'That's easy. Today and tommorrow.'
The gatekeeper says, 'Well, I didn't think of that so I'll give it to you.
Second question: How many seconds are in a year?'
Gump says, '12, January 2nd, February 2nd...'
The gatekeeper says, 'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you.
Last question: What is God's first name?'
Gump replies, 'Howard.'
The gatekeeper says, 'How on earth did you get Howard?'
Gump says, 'It's common sense. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'
Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.
"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."
"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"
The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."
The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.
The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."
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