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in-law vs outlaw
 
 
What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

Outlaws are wanted.

ponderous notions
 
 
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

What do they use to ship styrofoam?

retired marine
 
 
A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked,

"Do you have any military experience?"

The Marine replied, "Why, yes! I've been in the Marines for a couple of years."

"I see," said the interviewer, "any disabilities?"

The Marine looked at him and replied shakily. "Well... In the Vietnam War I had a grenade go off between my legs, blowing off my testicles."

The interviewer, quite shocked, said "All right, you're hired. Please report to work on Monday at 10:00am."

"Wait wait!" shouted the Marine, "When do the others start? I don't want any special treatment just because of my disability."

The interviewer replied, "Well... I'll tell you the truth. Everyone normally comes at 7:00 in the morning, but nothing gets done until 10. All we do is sit around, scratching our nuts trying to figure out what to do."

premarital test
 
 
A guy decides it's time he got married. He gives each of his current girlfriends $1,000. One spends $200 on clothes and puts $800 in the bank. Second spends $800 on clothes and puts $200 in the bank. Third puts the whole $1,000 in the bank. Which one did he marry? The one with the big boobs.

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