Whatever jokes

"Congregation," the priest said before the assembled masses. "Does anybody know this boy's name? Because I don't know him, but his face rings a bell."

The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient.

"Sir," the usher said, "if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in search of his manager. In a few moments, both the usher and the manager returned and stood over the man. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but with no success. Finally, they summoned the police. The cop surveyed the situation briefly.

"All right, buddy. What's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?" the cop asked.

"The balcony."

1. The spouse who snores the loudest always falls asleep first.
2. The product you are most embarrassed to be buying must be price-checked over the P.A.
3. The heavier the load, and the farther you must carry it, the more your nose itches.
4. The original will be found when a replacement is bought.
5. When you have a deadline, the printer always runs out of toner.
6. When you have to get up early, the 'snooze' alarm is ten times longer than normal.
7. Technical instructions are in three languages: Spanish, French, and Geek.
8. Any Disney movie will be boycotted by some religious union with nothing better to do.
9. After typing a multi-page report, Windows will perform an 'illegal operation' and erase your work.
10. Traffic is only bad on days that end in 'y.'

Your bike!