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mixed breed
 
 
What do you get if you breed a pitbull terrier with Lassie?

A dog that will chew your arm off but then run for help!

tarzan's last words
 
 
Q: What were Tarzan's last words?

A: Who greased the viiiiiiiine?

programmer lines for when their programs fail
 
 

20) "That's weird..."
19) "It's never done that before."
18) "It worked yesterday."
17) "How is that possible?"
16) "It must be a hardware problem."
15) "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14) "There is something funky in your data."
13) "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12) "You must have the wrong version."
11) "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10) "I can't test everything!"
9) "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8) "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7) "Somebody must have changed my code."
6) "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5) "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4) "You can't use that version on your system."
3) "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2) "Where were you when the program blew up?"
1) "It works on my machine."

shoes
 
 
Never say anything about a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes - because then you are a mile away and you've got his shoes and you can say whatever the hell you want about him

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