Whatever jokes

"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.

"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.

"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.

"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.

"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.

Then there was a short moment of silence.

"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."

The mechanic replies, "No hotel here, but about 100 miles down the road you'll see there's a room under the cactus there. But what ever you do don't touch the big pink gorilla."

The man drives to the cactus. He opens a door and shuts it behind him, finds another door and shuts it behind him, then he finds a third door and shuts it behind him.

Lo and behold he sees a big pink gorilla in the room. The gorilla is docile and looks so cute and soft he's dying to touch it. He can't help himself. He walks over to the cage and starts trying to touch him through the bars.

As soon as the man lays a finger on him, the big pink gorilla freaks out. He beats his chest and rips his cage door clean off.

The man runs for his life. He opens the first door, slams it behind him. Opens the second door, slams it behind him. The man hear a crash as he opens the third door and slams it behind him.

The man hears a roar. He runs to the car, opens the door and shuts it. He locks all the doors and starts the car, as he sees the big pink gorilla racing towards him.

The big pink gorilla rips the car door off his car.The man thinks he's going to faint.

The gorilla pokes the guy and says, "Tag you're it!"

From out in the audience a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" the judge shouted back. He turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You goddamned tightwad!" blurted the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a..." the man starts to shout.

The Judge thunders back, "If you don't tell me the reason for your outbursts right now, I will hold in contempt!"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for ten years now, but do you think he ever had a goddamned tool when I needed to borrow one!"

"One of the first places we went to was the leaning tower of Pisa. It was really neat."

"Cool. Did you go up inside it?"

"No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit the Cathedral of Notre Dame in Paris. That was really neat."

"Cool. Did you go up inside it?"

"No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did go to visit Big Ben in London."

"Cool. Did you go up inside it?"

"No, we couldn't, since George is a cripple. But we did attend mass at the Vatican."

"Really? What happened?"

"Well, the Pope made the sign of the cross, and George dropped his right crutch, and he dropped his left crutch."

"Cool. What happened then?"

"George fell on his ass. He's a cripple, you know."