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(1) 'Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom.....and has started to dig.'
(2) 'His men would follow him anywhere, ....... but only out of morbid curiosity.'
(3) 'I would not allow this employee to breed.'
(4) 'This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'.'
(5) 'Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.'
(6) 'When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.'
(7) 'He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.'
(8) 'This young lady has delusions of adequacy.'
(9) 'He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.'
(10) 'This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.'
(11) 'This employee should go far, ..... and the sooner he starts, the better.'
(12) 'Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.'
(13) 'A gross ignoramus144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.'
(14) 'He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless.'
(15) 'He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.'
(16) 'I would like to go hunting with him sometime.'
(17) 'He's been working with glue too much.'
(18) 'He would argue with a signpost.'
(19) 'He has a knack for making strangers immediately detest him.'
(20) 'He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.'
(21) 'When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.'
(22) 'If you see two people talking and one looks bored, ..... he's the other one.'
(23) 'A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.'
(24) 'A prime candidate for natural deselection.'
(25) 'Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.'
(26) 'Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.'
(27) 'Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.'
(28) 'If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.'
(29) 'If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.'
(30) 'If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans.'
(31) 'It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg.'
(32) 'One neuron short of a synapse.'
(33) 'Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;..... he only gargled.'
(34) 'Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.'
(35) 'The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.'
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"My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"I know what you mean. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another.
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another contributed.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
Then there was a short moment of silence.
"Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive."
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1) would treat her nicely
2) wouldn't run away from her
3) would be good in bed.
Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there on the front porch was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
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"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."
"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.
"Get my brown pants."
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