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two eggs
 
 
Two eggs are in a frying pan and one says "Man it's hot in here." The other one says "Holy sh*t a talking egg!"
divorced and drunk
 
 
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin as she sits alone at a nearby table, until the wife asks,

"Do you know her?"

"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

heavy sack
 
 
Why is Santa's sack so big?

He only comes once a year.

jew unit
 
 
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tupac Shakur is a Jewish holiday.

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