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a girl named happy butt
 
 
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt."

The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."

The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass - Happy Butt... what's the difference?"

forty toothed monster holder-backer
 
 
What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?

My zipper.

king's army
 
 
Where does a king keep his armies?

Up his sleevies.
airline a-hole
 
 
During a busy pre-Christmas day at Sydney airport, a crowded flight was cancelled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."

The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He SCREAMED, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have ANY idea who I am?"

Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone.

"May I have your attention, please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17."

With the people behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the airline agent, gritted his teeth, and swore, "Screw you."

Without flinching, she smiled and replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too."


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