Whatever jokes

1. Did you get any under the tree?
2. I think your balls are hanging too low.
3. Check out Rudolph's honker!
4. Santa's sack is really bulging.
5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff.
6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
7. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
8. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
9. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.

• 1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

• AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

• SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

• FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART DOG

• 2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

• TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH IT'S OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800

• COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

• 83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

• STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

• FREE PUPPIES: COCKER SPANIEL - SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

• FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

• SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents

• GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

• FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.

• FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.

• FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

• NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE

• BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

• SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

• FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.

• HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

• GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 BOTTLES OF BEER.

• HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

• GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

• NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED

• FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

• AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100

• TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

• NOTICE: TO THE PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE: PLEASE RETURN THE PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL OTHER PLANTS IN VICINITY ARE DEAD.

• EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.

• OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.

• JOINING NUDIST COLONY! MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER $300.

• LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

• ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

• GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

• GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.

• BAR S SLICED BOLOGNA REGULAR OR TASTY SAVE 30 CENTS ON 2

• OPEN HOUSE BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

• KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

• FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

A week later the man died. At the wake, the lawyer and doctor and clergyman each concealed an envelope in the coffin and bid their old client and friend farewell.

By chance, these three met several months later. Soon the clergyman, feeling guilty, blurted out a confession saying that there was only $10,000 in the envelope he placed in the coffin. He felt, rather than waste all the money, he would send it to a mission in South America. He asked for their forgiveness.

The doctor, moved by the gentle Clergyman's sincerity, confessed that he too had kept some of the money for a worthy medical charity. The envelope, he admitted, had only $8000 in it. He said he too could not bring himself to waste the money so frivolously when it could be used to benefit others.

By this time the Lawyer was seething with self-righteous outrage. He expressed his deep disappointment in the felonious behavior of two of his oldest and most trusted friends. "I am the only one who kept my promise to our dying friend. I want you both to know that the envelope I placed in the coffin contained the full amount.

The other men looked down in embarrassment and the lawyer continued, "Indeed, only I honored the deathbed wishes of our great friend. My envelope contained my personal check for the entire $25,000."