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masochism tango
 
 
What did the sadist do to the masochist?
Nothing!
hostage situation
 
 
If a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?
top ten things that sound dirty at xmas
 
 
  1. Did you get any under the tree?
  2. I think your balls are hanging too low.
  3. Check out Rudolph's honker!
  4. Santa's sack is really bulging.
  5. Lift up the skirt so I can get a whiff.
  6. Did you get a piece of the fruitcake?
  7. I love licking the end till it's really sharp and pointy.
  8. From here you can't tell if they're artificial or real.
  9. Can I interest you in some dark meat?
  10. To get it to stand up straight, try propping it against the wall.
disabled swimming race
 
 
Three blokes enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms the second no legs and the third has no body, just a head.

They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool. The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly, but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool, so he decides he had better dive down to rescue the head guy. He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three goddamn years I've spent learning to swim with my goddamn ears, then five seconds before the whistle, some bastard puts a swimming cap on me"


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