a man went on vacation to texas...
A man went on vacation to Texas. He went into a diner and ordered an orange juice and a steak. The waitress brough a pitcher of orange juice and the man's jaw dropped.
The farmer said, "Pardon me, I ordered a glass of orange juice not a whole pitcher."
The waitress simply said, "Sir, this is Texas. Every thing is bigger." So when the waitress brought the steak the farmer said, "Excuse me, I ordered a steak not the whole cow!" Again the waitress said, "This is Texas every thing is bigger." After he finished he had to go to the bathroom so he asked the waitress were it was. She told him it was down the hall first door to the left. Just as he walked through the men's room door he fell into a deep pool and screamed, "HELP, HELP! DON'T FLUSH!"
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pilot and co-pilot
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His co-pilot is Chinese. It's the first time they've flown together and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike.
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Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, "I don't like the Chinese."
"You don't like the Chinese?" asks the co-pilot, "Why not?"
"You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that's why!"
"No, no," the co-pilot protests, "The Chinese didn't bomb Pearl Harbor! That was the Japanese."
"Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese...doesn't matter, you're all the same!"
There's a few minutes of silence.
"I don't like Jews!" the co-pilot suddenly announces.
"Why not?" asks the captain.
"The Jews sank the Titanic."
"Jews didn't sink the Titanic!" exclaims the captain, "It was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg, no matter...they're all same!"
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