Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 313

Whatever


top ten... sleeping at desk
 
 
10) 'They told me at the blood bank this might happen.'

9) 'This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to.'

8) 'Whew! Guess I left the top off the Wite-Out. You probably got here just in time!'

7) 'I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.'

6) 'I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.'

5) 'I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stess. Do you discriminate toward people who practice Yoga?'

4) 'Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.'

3) 'The coffee machine is broken...'

2) 'Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot...'

1) '.....in Jesus' name, Amen.'
ending it all
 
 
An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.

After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart. The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.

So she shot herself in the left kneecap.

breakfast in moleland
 
 
There was a mamma mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole outside of a farm house out in the country.

The papa mole reached his head out of the hole and said, "Mmmmm, I smell sausage."

The mama mole reached her head outside of the hole and said "Mmmmmm, I smell pancakes."

The baby mole tried to reach his head outside the hole but couldn't because of the two bigger moles. The baby mole said, "The only thing I can smell is molasses."

lunch for the lama
 
 
A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

Page 314 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»