Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 56


Why did the man throw the clock out the window?
To see time fly.
Wilfred had just learned his abc's and was very scared of doing them in front of the class. The teacher, though, told him that the best way to conquer his fears would be to just go ahead and do it. So, trembling, he stood in front of the class and began.


"Very good, Wilfred. But you forgot the P. Where's the P?

"It's running down my leg."

you know you're from michigan when...

1) You define summer as three months of bad sledding.

2) You think alkaline batteries were named for a tiger outfielder.

3) Your idea of a seven-course meal is a six-pack of beer and a bucket of smelt.

4) Owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your hometown.

5) You know how to play euchre.

6) The big mac is something you drive across.

7) You bake with soda and you drink pop.

8) You drive 76 on the highway and pass on the right.

9) Your Little League baseball game was snowed out.

10) You learned to drive a boat before you learned to ride a bicycle.

11) You know how to pronounce "Mackinac".

12) You occasionally cheer "Go Lions -- and take the Tigers with you."

13) The word "thumb" has a geographical rather than an anatomical definition.

14) You have ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week.

15) You expect Vernors when you order ginger ale.

16) You know that Kalamazoo not only actually exists, but that it isn't very far from Hell.

17) Your favorite holiday are Christmas, Thanksgiving and the first day of deer season (for which schools are officially closed).

18) Your snowmobile and fishing boat have a big block Chevy engine.

19) At least one member in your family disowns you for the week of the Michigan vs. Michigan State football game.

20) Your year has two seasons, winter and construction.

21) You know what a millage is.

22) Travelling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

23) Half the change in your pocket is Canadian.

24) You can identify an Ohio accent.

25) You show people where you grew up by pointing to your right hand.

the fisherman's family
One day many years ago, a fisherman's wife blessed her husband with twin sons. They loved the children very much, but couldn't think of what to name their children. Finally, after several days, the fisherman said, "Let's not decide on names right now. If we wait a little while, the names will simply occur to us."

After several weeks had passed, the fisherman and his wife noticed a peculiar fact. When left alone, one of the boys would also turn towards the sea, while the other boy would face inland. It didn't matter which way the parents positioned the children, the same child always faced the same direction. "Let's call the boys Towards and Away," suggested the fisherman. His wife agreed, and from that point on, the boys were simply known as TOWARDS and AWAY.

The years passed and the lads grew tall and strong. The day came when the aging fisherman said to his sons, "Boys, it is time that you learned how to make a living from the sea." They set in provisions on their ship, said their goodbyes and set sail for a three-month voyage.

The three months passed quickly for the fisherman's wife, yet the ship had not returned. Another three months passed, and still no ship.

A whole year passed before the grieving woman saw a lone man walking towards her house. She recognized him as her husband. "My goodness! What has happened to my darling boys?" she cried.

The ragged fisherman began to tell his story:

"We were just barely one whole day out to sea, when Towards hooked into a great fish. Towards fought long and hard, but the fish was more than his equal. For a whole week, they wrestled upon the waves without either of them letting up. Yet eventually the great fish started to win the battle, and Towards was pulled over the side of our ship. He was swallowed whole, and we never saw either of them again."

"Oh dear, that must have been terrible! What a huge fish that must of been! What a horrible fish. What a horrible fish."

"Yes, it was, but you should have seen the one that got Away...."

Page 57 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»