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speed demon
Harold and Lloyd were speeding down the road when a cop pulled them over.
"You were going eighty!" the officer yelled. "Why so fast?"
"We have a good reason," Lloyd explained to the cop. "Our brakes are no good so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!"
Q: What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?

A: The dirtbag is on the inside of a vacuum cleaner!
two blondes on thier way to disneyland
Two Blondes were in a car and came to a fork in a road and the sign said Disneyland left...
So they turned around and went home.
A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You're dying and you don't have much time," the doctor says. "Oh no, that's terrible. How long have I got?" the man asks. "Ten," says the doctor. "Ten? Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately. "Nine. . ."

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