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* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* When we buy a vibrator, it's sexy. When men buy a blow-up doll, it's pathetic.
* Our boyfriends' clothes look elfin and gorgeous on us -- guys look like complete idiots in ours.
* We can be groupies.
* Male groupies are stalkers.
* We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* Men die sooner, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
* We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks.
* Free dinners.
* We can hug our friends without wondering if they think we're gay.
* We know the truth about whether size matters.
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* Condoms make no significant difference in our enjoyment of sex.
* It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
* If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.
* We have an excuse to be totally cranky at least once a month.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without automatically picturing them naked.
* If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.
* Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all our problems.
* Gay waiters don't make us uncomfortable.
* We'll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
* We'll never discover we've been duped by a Wonderbra.
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Costello: Hey, Abbott!
Abbot: Yes, Lou?Costello: I just got my first computer.
Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get?Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.
Abbot: That's terrific, Lou.Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you.
Abbot: Oh?Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don't know-Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.
Abbot: Really?Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: O.K. Lou. What do want to know?Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That's true.Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then-
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button-Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.Costello: When?
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Abbot: StartCostello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.Costello: You don't have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press-Costello: Don't say, "Start!"
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that's what you do.Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don't be ridiculous.Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it's about time we started this conversation.
Abbot: What are you talking about?Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.
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