 |
|
|
|
|
 | ||||
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly.
If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer any way.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
(read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)
Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.
Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."
Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car? A: Always wear a condom.
Q: When driving through fog, what should you use? A: Your car.
Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident? A: Be too sh*t-faced to find your keys.
Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving. A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.
Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully? A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.
Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed? A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.
Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light? A: The color.
Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic? A: Heavy psychedelics.
Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem? A: Carry loaded weapons.
|
|
|
|
|
| ||||
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
She's a really good lay!
2) My tire was thumping,
I thought it was flat.
When I loooked at the tire,
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3) You had your bladder removed,
and you're on the mends.
Here's a bouquet of flowers
And a box of Depends.
4) You've announced that you're gay,
Won't that be a laugh,
When they find out you're one
Of the Joint Chiefs of Staff!
5) Happy Vasectomy!
Hope you feel zippy!
'Cause when I had mine
I got real snippy!
6) Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be,
But don't fret about it,
She moved in with me!
7) You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been
that case of Bud Dry?
Page 136 of 497 «« Previous | Next »»