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the butcher's wife
 
 
How did the butcher introduce his wife?

“Meat Patty.”
texas talkin'
 
 
Here's what the heck they mean in the Lone Star State...
  • The engine's runnin' but ain't nobody driving = Not too smart
  • As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party = An unwelcome person
  • Tighter than bark on a tree = Stingy
  • Big hat, no cattle = All talk, no action
  • We've howdied but we ain't shook yet = We've met, but haven't been formally introduced
  • He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow = He thinks his s#%! doesn't stink
  • She's got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth = She's a talker
  • It's so dry the trees are bribin' the dogs = Rain would be nice
  • Just because a chicken has wings doesn't mean it can fly = Appearances can be deceiving
  • This ain't my first rodeo = I've been around the block
  • He looks like the dog's been keepin' him under the porch = U-G-L-Y
  • They ate supper before they said grace = They're living in sin
  • Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope = Stop arguing and do as you're told
  • As full of wind as a corn-eating horse = A braggart
  • You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits = You can say whatever you want, but that doesn't change a thing
elephant encounter
 
 
Q: What should you do if you come across an elephant?

A: Apologize and wipe it off.
no, officer
 
 
A man is driving with wife, when he is pulled over by a policeman.
"Sir," says the cop. "You were going 60 in a 50."
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were," says the wife.
"Keep quiet!" says the man, angrily.
"And you weren't wearing a seatbelt," says the cop.
"Yes I was."
"No, you weren't," says the wife.
"SHUT UP!" says the man, really angry.
"Ma'am," asks the cop, "is he always the rude and violent?"
"Only when he's DRUNK."

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