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nickel-diming johnny
 
 
There was a little boy named Johnny who used to hang out at the local corner market. The owner didn't know what Johnny's problem was, but the boys would constantly tease him.

They would always comment that he was two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles short of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they would offer Johnny his choice between a nickel (5 cents) and a dime (10 cents) and John would always take the nickel -- they said, because it was bigger.

One day after John grabbed the nickel, the store owner took him aside and said "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"

Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!"

doorprize
 
 
Josi frequently attends his church Bingo club, where every week a gag doorprize is given out. One week, Josi is presented with a toilet brush.

'What the hell is this?' he asks the pastor.

'Why, it's a toilet brush.'

'Ooh, I see,' says Josi. A couple weeks later, the pastor jokingly asks Josi how the brush is working.

'Well, it's okay, but I think I'll go back to using paper.'

mechanical vs. chemical
 
 
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.

pull over
 
 
A car decided not to stop for a stop sign but decided to slow down instead. A cop saw him and followed for about a mile before pulling him over. The cop got him out of his car and said 'Why didn't you stop?' The man said, 'I slowed down.' The cop pulled out his nightstick and started beating him. 'Now,' the cop said, 'do you want me to stop or slow down?'

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