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10 ways to tell you're from new hampshire
10) You married your cousin's brother's wife
9) Your only belief is “Live Free or Die.”
8) You think Massachusetts should be Taxachusetts (when you are actually paying more).
7) You walk around with cow dung on your shoe.
6) You're depressed because Massachusetts laughs constantly at your state.
5) Your music involves knee slapping, spoon smacking and banjo playing.
4) You travel all the way to Connecticut to gamble.
3) Your barn is bigger than your house
2) You walk around with a “Dumb IQ” card (you actually do).
1) You can't drive on the highways, rotaries, four-way stops, rotaries or anything more complex than a dirt road.
what did the hat say to the tie?
What did the hat say to the tie?

"You hang around here...I'll go on a head."

little johnny's halloween
Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."

laughing washing machine
Why was the washing machine laughing? Because it was taking the piss out of the pants.

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