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big fat mopeds
 
 
What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common?

They're both fun as long as your friends don't see you on 'em!

the true story
 
 
Some time ago President Clinton was hosting a state dinner when, at the last minute, his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement on short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his managers but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice.

Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of staff about the cook, but he was told that this man was supposed to be a very good chef. The meal went okay, but the President was sure that the soup tasted a little off and by the time dessert came, he was starting to have stomach cramps and nausea. It was getting worse and worse 'til finally he had to excuse himself from the state dinner to look for the bathroom.

Passing through the kitchen, he caught sight of the cook, Jon, scratching his rear end and this made him feel even worse. By now he was desperately ill with violent cramps and was so disorientated that he couldn't remember which door led to the bathroom. He was on the verge of passing out from the pain when he finally found a door that opened and as he undid his trousers and ran in, he realized to his horror that he had stumbled into Monica Lewinsky's office with his trousers around his knees. As he was just about to pass out, she bent over him and heard her president whisper in a barely audible voice, “sack my cook.”

And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

jeeves
 
 
A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to a banquet, so they decided to give Jeeves, their butler, the night off. An hour later, the wife found the banquet to be quite boring so she left while her husband was still conversing with some of his friends. When she got home, she saw Jeeves sitting at the dining room table alone. She took him up to the master bedroom, and locked the door.
'Jeeves, take off my hat,' she said, which Jeeves promptly did. Next she told him to take off her jewelry and gloves, and he did. 'Jeeves, take off my dress,' she ordered, and he did what he was told. 'Jeeves, take off my bra and underwear,' she said, and he nervously followed her order.
'Jeeves,' she started, 'I never want to see you wearing my clothes again, or you're fired.'
bill gates, super ego
 
 
One day, Saint Peter called up to Heaven Bill Clinton, Colin Powell, and Bill Gates. He said to them, 'I've called you here because you are the 3 most influential spokepersons in the world. Go back to Earth and tell everyone there is a God, but he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'

So, Bill Clinton went back and said, 'Fellow Americans, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is there is a God, and the bad news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'

Colin Powell went back and said, 'I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is there is a God and the good news is he's blowing up the world tommorrow.'

Then, Bill Gates went down, gathered up all his computer buddies on the Internet and said, ' I have some good news. The first part of the good news is I've been voted one of the 3 most influential spokespersons in the world. The other good news is the Y2K problem is solved.'


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