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jeeves
 
 
A wealthy wife and husband were leaving to go to a banquet, so they decided to give Jeeves, their butler, the night off. An hour later, the wife found the banquet to be quite boring so she left while her husband was still conversing with some of his friends. When she got home, she saw Jeeves sitting at the dining room table alone. She took him up to the master bedroom, and locked the door.
'Jeeves, take off my hat,' she said, which Jeeves promptly did. Next she told him to take off her jewelry and gloves, and he did. 'Jeeves, take off my dress,' she ordered, and he did what he was told. 'Jeeves, take off my bra and underwear,' she said, and he nervously followed her order.
'Jeeves,' she started, 'I never want to see you wearing my clothes again, or you're fired.'
success
 
 
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
harleys and hoovers
 
 
What's the difference between a Harley Davidson motorcycle and a vacuum cleaner?

You can fit two dirt bags on a Harley!

pig farmer
 
 
A city slicker went to the country to buy a pig. When he approached the pig farmer, he asked for a 25-pound pig. The pig farmer put the pig's tail in his mouth and bobbed his head up and down. He then told the city slicker that the pig was too heavy -- it was 30 pounds. The city slicker told the farmer he didn't believe that was the way to weigh pigs. The farmer called his son over and asked him to weigh the pig. The son put the pig's tail in his mouth, bobbed his head a couple of times and said the pig weighed 30 pounds. The city slicker said the farmer and his son were putting him on. The farmer told his son to go get his mother and have her come out and weigh the pig. The son went into the house and after a few minutes came out again.

"Mom's weighing the mailman."


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