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lightbulb... christians
 
 
How many Christians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The Bible makes no mention of lightbulbs.

god's name
 
 
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven.

The gatekeeper at the gate to heaven says, 'There are too many people in heaven so you have to pass this quiz to get in.'

Forrest Gump says, 'Okay.'

The gatekeeper says, 'First question: What two days of the week begin with T?'

Gump replies, 'That's easy. Today and tommorrow.'

The gatekeeper says, 'Well, I didn't think of that so I'll give it to you.

Second question: How many seconds are in a year?'

Gump says, '12, January 2nd, February 2nd...'

The gatekeeper says, 'That wasn't what I was thinking, but I'll give it to you.

Last question: What is God's first name?'

Gump replies, 'Howard.'

The gatekeeper says, 'How on earth did you get Howard?'

Gump says, 'It's common sense. Our father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.'

last request
 
 
The inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the follow morning. Throughout the day, the prison guards were being very nice to him. But when they asked him if he wanted something specific for his last meal, he said he didn't want anything special. When they asked if there was something special he wanted to do, he said nothing. It went on like this all day.

Finally, when he was put before the firing squad, the guard asked if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold.

"No," the inmate said, "just get it over with."

"Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?" said the guard. "You didn't even want a special last meal!"

The inmate thought. "Actually," he said, "Music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nodded and told him to go ahead.

The inmate started, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall..."

nasa, full of bright people
 
 
Three men were in a NASA conference room to decide how to spend $10 billion.
"I think we should put our men on Mars!" said the first man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on Venus!" said the second man.
"Ooh, good idea," said the other two.
"I think we should put our men on the Sun!"
"How are you going to do that?"
"Easy. We go at night."

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