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the legend of the trids
 
 
There once was this group of strange beings called Trids. The Trids were only about a foot long, and the lived in a valley next to a hill. Every day they would climb the hill to gather berries and other plant foods.

At the top of the hill lived an Ogre that always kicked the Trids down the hill.

Finally, the leader of the Trids called a local Rabbi to come help them get food and to talk to the ogre. The Rabbi stood behind a tree on the hill and watched the Trids climb up the hill.

All was fine, until the Ogre popped out of a cave and one-by-one kicked the screaming Trids down the hill.

The Rabbi scaled the hill and asked the hideous creature why he kept kicking the Trids.

The Ogre looked over at the Rabbi and simply replied, 'Silly Rabbi, Kicks are for Trids.' '
torpedos
 
 
There was this woman who wanted bigger boobs. So she prayed to God and prayed and prayed, and eventually she got an answer -- God told her that every time someone said 'pardon me' to her, her boobs would get a little bit bigger. So she was in the grocery store and someone bumped into her and said 'pardon me' and her boobs got bigger. Then she was in the parking lot and someone hit her car and they said 'pardon me' and her boobs got a little bigger. That night this lady was in a restaurant, and a waiter tripped over her and spilled his food everywhere. He said 'Oh, excuse me! A thousand pardons.'
The next morning the headline in the newspaper was: 'Waiter killed by torpedos.'
amish woman driver
 
 
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop. “Ma'am,” said the cop, “I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.”

“Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home,” responded the Amish lady.

“That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!” instructed the cop.

Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.

“Well, dear, what exactly did he say?” asked Jacob.

“He said the reflector is broken,” replied the lady.

“I can fix that in two minutes. What else?” wondered Jacob.

“I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake,” said the lady.
the rope
 
 
Did you hear the one about the rope?

Nah, I'll skip it!

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