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lucky number 5
A 55-year old man, who was born on May 5th, has been married 5 years, has 5 children, makes $55,555.55 a year, and who's lucky number is 5, receives a phonecall from a friend. The friend informs the man that a horse named Lucky 5 will be running in the fifth race at the local track that evening. Excitedly, the man withdraws 5,555.55 cash from his bank account, goes to the races and bets on Lucky 5.

Sure enough, the horse comes in fifth.
hot lunch
There were two bums walkin down a road. They both had not eaten in days, and were starving.
As they were walking, they come across a dead dog. One ran to it and scarffed it down, while the other just watched.
After the bum ate the dog, they kept walking. The now full bum asked the other, "How come you didn't fight me for the dog?

He answered, "No reason." So they keep walking.

All of a sudden the bum who ate the dog threw up. The other bum smiled in delight and said, "See, that's what I've been waiting for! A HOT meal!

life of an egg
What are the top three reasons why it's awful to be an egg?

1. You only get laid once.
2. The only one who ever sits on your head is your own mother.
3. It takes three minutes to get hard.

hello stranger
I know I haven't known you for a very long time, and I shouldn't be asking you for this so soon, but I need it badly. I haven't had it for a very long time. I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you can satisfy my needs, and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very desperate and I need your help. You must think by now I have a lot of nerve, but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all the juice until its very dry. It has been on my mind all day and I'm not going to beat around the bush anymore. Do you have a piece of gum?

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