Whatever jokes

Jokes » whatever » jokes 130

Whatever


wooden shoe
 
 
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe, who?
Wooden shoe like to know!
takeout small talk
 
 
A man goes to a restaurant, orders some takeout, and sits down to wait for his food.

While he waits, he grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter, and as he starts to chew, he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie, is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

Wondering who made the comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone nearby who could be speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears the voice say, "Those shoes are stylin', my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little freaked out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look - what's up with that? Am I GOING CRAZY??"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies. "It's just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?!?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "…they're complimentary."

jewelers v. jailers
 
 
What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailor?

One sells watches and the other watches cells.

for unemployed loser schmucks
 
 
A man went to apply for a job. After filling out all of his applications he waited anxiously for the outcome.
The employer read all of his applications and said, “We have an opening for people like you.”
“Oh, great,” the man said, “what is it?”
“It's called the door!”

Page 131 of 497     «« Previous | Next »»