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"I know! We can take off our underwear, and then when our husbands notice, we can say we don't have enough money even for knickers!"
Everybody thought this was a good idea, so they went home to try it. When the English wife's husband noticed, he gave her 200 pounds to go shopping with. When the Irish wife's husband noticed, he gave her his credit card. The next day, they all three met up to discuss how it went. The Irish wife and the English wife were all dressed up in their new clothes, but the Scottish wife was still in rags. The other two demanded to know what had happened.
"Well," said the Scottish wife. "As I was gardening, I bent over to show him I wasn't wearing any undies. But when he saw, he gave 40p to get a comb!"
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The next morning the man was brought before the firing squad. When asked for his last request, the man said he had none. The General in charge of his execution asked him, 'Sir, you refused your last meal and your last request. Isn't there anything you want before you die?'
The man thought for a moment, then said, 'Music has always been an important part of my life. If I could do but one thing before I die, would you allow me to sing my favorite song from beginning to end, without interruption?'
The General thought this was a reasonable request, and ordered his men to lower their weapons and to not interrupt for the duration of the song.
'Ten million bottles of beer on the wall...'
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It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the airplane flies. The theory is that if the windshield can withstand the carcass test impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight.
Apparently, the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, high-speed train they were developing.. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded a chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken not only shattered the windshield, but went through the engineer's seat, broke an instrument panel, and was imbedded in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to review the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the data thoroughly and had one recommendation: 'Use a thawed chicken.'
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