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kofi annan?s new year's un resolutions
 
 
Be brave -- ask US for more money.

Salt and pepper beard more.

Apply for US citizenship.

Lose weight -- no more delicious McDonald's cultural hegemony!

Bad-mouth US in front of Middle Eastern diplomats more.

Daily affirmation: "I am not the tool of the world's sole superpower!"

Make the UN more bureaucratish.

Write resolution to write more resolutions condemning the rogue state of Luxembourg.

Talk to US President more in broader terms - "African People Hungry," "Arabs Hate You," "Germany no likee war. Now." Perhaps speak slower.

Finally count out Third World dues change jar.

Resolve to cut the word "Secretary" from title. "General Annan" catchier.

Change name of UN Security Council to either "THE STAR CHAMBER", or "THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMAN", or "THE GUNS AND MISSILES CLUB".

Switch lame blue helmets of peacekeeping forces to ninja masks.

Make sure diplomatic immunity applies to downloading illegal nude photos of that smoking broad Condi.

Do charter bi-lines allow the UN to stockpile Weapons of Mass Destruction of their own? Could be help when negotiating with uppity Western Nations. Look into it this year. FOR REAL THIS TIME!!!!

monkeying around
 
 
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It had Akinetic Mutism.
dought girl
 
 
What do you get when you cross a cabbagepatch doll whith the pillsbary dough boy?
A short ugly chick with a yeast infection.
improvements in hell
 
 
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"


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