Whatever jokes

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, smiled and said, "Good morning Father," "Good morning Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests? The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits -- so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them -- and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.

After a while, the same gorgeous bikini-ed blonde came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.) Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said, "Just a minute young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angelica."

What do you do when your dishwasher stops?

Kick him in the ass!

One day, a woman comes out with a bunch of trash just as the garbage truck is about to pull away.

"Am I too late for the garbage?" she asks.

"No, ma'am," says the garbageman. "Hop right in!"

Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?"

"My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny.

"Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted.

"No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business."