Whatever jokes

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bite your tongue
 
 
What's one thing you don't tell to a vampire?

Bite me.
wash the cat
 
 
The doctor was walking around checking by his patients when he saw a man putting a cat into the washing machine then said to the man, 'Are you crazy? The cat's going to die!' The man said, 'Don't you worry about her Doc, I wash this cat everyday.' So the doctor shook his head and kept on walking, but ten minutes later the doctor came back and the cat was dead! So he said to the man angrily, 'Didn't I tell you you'd kill the cat?' The man said, 'Doc, the cat didn't die because I washed her, the cat died because I ironed her.'
a moral dilemma
 
 
Here's a dilemma...

With all your honor and dignity, what would you do?  Please don't answer without giving it serious thought.  By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other.  Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of  water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.  You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.  

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.  

Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!  

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever.  You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

  Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

sermon on temperance
 
 
A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' And then finally, he said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' Sermon complete, he then sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced, 'For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather at the River.'

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